Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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