I'm going to rape someone's good day.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
