tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize