I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize