idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
