Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
