Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
