I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I got inside last night via doggy door
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
