It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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