my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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