Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
