I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
