he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I need to sanitize my soul.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
