So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
