I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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