This is not my ceiling
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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