she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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