We should be called the Road Head Warriors
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It's blow job season.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
