Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize