I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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