The best revenge is premature balding
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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