I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
