Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
