I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
