she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize