I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
