my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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