Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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