People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Sext me about skeletons
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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