im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
