Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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