No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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