You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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