John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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