who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
