One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
