A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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