Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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