Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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