Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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