dude i'm inner monologue high
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
