i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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