hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
