yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
