11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
