You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
