Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
