Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize