Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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