you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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