her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
