I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
