i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
