You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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