I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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