I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
