There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
