my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
