Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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