you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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