never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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