the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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