He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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