My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
