the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
it's like iHOP with fire
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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