the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
