I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
