sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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