dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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