so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
