she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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