I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
